Trevor Noah Slams Tom Brady’s Un-Retirement

Trevor Noah To Headline White House Dinner

Trevor Noah compared Tom Brady to Jesus, saying, “Yeah, that guy retired from life for three days before he was like, ‘Nah, the game needs me.’”
Quarterback Tom Brady retired from the N.F.L. in February, but surprised fans on Sunday when he announced he would return to play for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers next season.
On Monday’s “Daily Show,” Trevor Noah joked that Brady had been going to Super Bowls for so long, “his first halftime show was a bunch of Gregorian monks chanting.”
“So, yeah, it was big news when Tom Brady retired,” Noah said. “But you know what’s even bigger news than retiring? Un-retiring.”
“I love it so much, because he is the most loved and the most hated athlete in the game. I love this guy. He is the main character. What’s the N.F.L. without Tom Brady, huh? Him leaving the N.F.L. is like when Charlie Sheen left ‘Two and a Half Men.’ Yeah, there were still two and a half men, but which men? Not men we cared about.”
“So with this move, Tom Brady has officially, officially, officially confirmed himself as the greatest of all time, because you see, this move right here is what all the greatest do — they retire, and they come right back. Yeah, Michael Jordan did it. Jay-Z did it. And the greatest of all time, Jesus. Yeah, that guy retired from life for three days before he was like, ‘Nah, the game needs me.’”
“Also some people are just not made for the retired life, especially Tom Brady. Think about it: For 22 years, he’s had men the size of little trucks trying to tackle him. That’s adrenaline. Yeah, can you imagine how boring his home life is right now. Even hiring his own commentators probably didn’t help.”
“Tom Brady is like your friend who announces she’s quitting Instagram and then posts something three hours later.”
“I guess he realized that if he retired, there wouldn’t be anybody around to make sure Gronk doesn’t eat a gallon of tide pods.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

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